The Teddy Bear

In Liberia, any stuffed animal is called a teddy bear. While we would give these to children to play with, the average Liberian seems to think they make great decorations for their house. My fiancee and I both agreed that having stuffed animals around the house does not count as decorating, and that we were not going to employ them in our interior design scheme. Needless to say, I was surprised when, the first day she moved into our house, she immediately hung some kind of animal on our living room wall. I walked through the door and saw it hanging there.
"Baby, I thought we weren't going to decorate with teddy bears."
"Well, we don't have any decoration for the wall."
"Right, but we agreed that they are not decorations."
"Well, you haven't bought anything, so I had to put it up."
I think we have a different definition of what "had to put it up" means. I believe she had a choice whether or not to put it on the wall.

Now there are picture frames and a large plastic Jesus scotch taped on the wall, and yet the teddy bear remains. It is a reminder of how I have failed her by not immediately decorating the entire house. I think I am going to hide it and see if she notices. Look for the update soon.

The Wedding Organizer

As a white man planning a wedding in Liberia, I am getting the inside track on what elements are absolutely necessary for two people to be united in holy matrimony. A few weeks ago my fiancee and I had one of our first meetings with our wedding organizer.
Every wedding needs an organizer to do things like book the reception hall, find a caterer, and get decorations. The purpose of the organizer is to take stress away from the couple so that they can enjoy their big day. (Imagine J-Lo--only without the headset or clipboard or organizational skills or chance that the groom is going to fall for her after she rides a horse.) So what do they get in return for all of this hard work? The glory of having their name printed in the program as Chief Organizer. For the average Liberian, there is nothing more exhilarating than having your name printed in a bulletin. This seems to be the pinnacle of achievement. Maybe I am just too humble, but if I had helped with someone's wedding, a simple "thank you" would probably do it.
So that brings us to our organizer, one of my fiancee's aunts. She seems like a nice enough lady, but I am already getting the feeling that she is lacking in some organizational areas. I have already had to take over the booking of the reception because she took too long. I also booked the church, got the photographer, and I am importing the disposable dishes we need for the reception. I can only imagine what is next. I am seriously considering putting my name in as Co-Chief Organizer of my own wedding.

LNP

This is my first entry about the joys of dealing with the Liberian National Police, most assuredly more will follow. As a white man, I fail to blend in to the crowd here in Liberia. When I am on my motorcycle I am even more visible. So today it was no surprise to me when I was flagged down by a few of the boys in blue.
A little cultural knowledge is necessary here. In Liberia, the police set up all kinds of check points along the major roads. This approach to crime fighting seems less for catching criminals and more for giving the average motorist a hard time. Outright bribery is circumvented in these situations through "friendship" and "cool water" which makes it seem not as bad. The average Liberian will complain up and down about LNP taking bribes and "hammocking" people but when they are faced with the "friendship" of an officer of the law they nearly always cave. If you ask them why they gave the police money they will just say "That's just the way it is done here." Never thinking that by refusing these sorts of bribes they would actually be doing the right thing. Back to my exchange today.
I approached the checkpoint and slowed down. A male officer jumped out into the road and told me to park off the road. I pulled onto the berm and a female officer approached me. I asked her if I had done something wrong. She smiled and said no. So I asked why I was being pulled over. She giggled and before she could answer the guy that pulled me over started in on me. "Why can't you slow down when you are coming to the check point?"
"I did slow down, Officer."
"This bike is too old for a white man. White man should be riding new motorbikes." He said as he flicked some rust off my handlebars.
"Where is your driver's license?"
I pulled it from my pocket and handed it to him.
"So you are a licensed driver Mr. Matthew Carmer."
"Actually it's pronounced Cramer."
"Ohh, Mr. Carmer."
"No really. It's Cramer."
He was getting bored with this play. Here comes the pitch. "So it's hot today. What do you have for the officer? I want to drink cool water."
"I don't have any cool water money for you today."
"Yes. But it's hot and we are friends. You can't find a small thing for the Officer? The sun is hot."
"I didn't tell you to set up a checkpoint in the middle of the day. Shouldn't you be looking for criminals?"
"We had to set up the checkpoint. There are wicked people in Liberia. Now try and find something for the officer. We are on the ground."
"My NGO has a contract with the government of Liberia that says we can't give out small things."
"NGOs are evil. You should find something from your own heart."
"I am not really a nice person, Officer, and I don't have anything for you today."
"Our friendship is cut." As he said this he made a fist but extended his pinky. I thought he wanted me to pinky swear with him so I did the same and grabbed at his pinky. He said "No, we are not friends anymore."
"But sir, I was really enjoying getting to know you."
"You won't help me so our friendship is over."
At this point I started the bike and he stormed away. This is not the way I would deal with the police at home. Here, though, it doesn't seem wrong.